It’s hard to believe that the month of March is almost over. This month has gone by so very fast, it was like a speeding car rushing by and all you could feel was the wind through your hair.
The first two weeks of this month were completely overwhelming with drivingeveryday, appointments until noon, then drive home, eat, get ready to pick the kids up from school, karate, eat dinner, help with homework, bed time, then off to work until wee hours or I get tired first. It felt like a roller coaster ride that you can’t get off of no matter how hard you try. You just know that you are climbing up and bracing yourself for the freefall down with twists and turns that turn your stomach, drop your blood pressure and leave you gasping for air. And for some reason we consider that fun! There is something wrong with that????
Okay, enough rambling. I am happy to report that Amy is doing much better. The first two to three weeks were very minor symptoms and she was truly a champ in going to the hospital every day for radiation treatments. The medicine and radiation really do seem to have helped her regain most of herself.
Those first few nights in the hospital before and after her surgery really did seems like it was going to be start of the end. I have never felt so scared as a husband and father and overwhelmingly sad at the same time for my wife and children. It is one of the scariest moments anyone can face when you find out that you have a life-threatening illness. I know that those feelings and thoughts really didn’t sink in at first, but as the days crept forward, it became a reality that this is our lives now. We are a family living together through cancer. I don’t and won’t diminish the fact that it is my wife that is battling cancer. I watch her everyday battle through the raging sea of physical and emotional effects of going through this.
I am immensely proud of Amy, she has gone through this with such grace, it is amazing really! She is so much stronger than I am. She is so much stronger that I think she realizes.
I remember the first day that she said she wanted to go to the Walmart. I was surprised and glad that she felt strong enough to go to the store. It was sweet to spend that time with her and help her find things that she needs. I have to admit though that over the next couple times that we have gone to the store, I feel this overwhelming protectiveness as we walk through the store. Inside I walk to put up guard rails stating that no one can come 50 feet near my wife as she navigates through the store. People shopping are crazy people, not everyone, but most are moving about like the own the store and you need to get out of their way. This is why I just want to get in and get out as fast as I can.
In the cancer unit they have puzzles on the tables. We have never been puzzle people before, but we started sitting at the table putting the different puzzles together as we wait for her to be called for treatment. These are sweet moments. It is also a treasure to walk down the hall holding hands. It’s funny how over the years we let go of the simple little things like holding hands, walking slowly, opening the door for our wives, etc.. These are just simple little things, but they really are such lovely moments. Whey does it take a major event or illness to open our eyes to the beauty of simple acts of love towards our spouses?
I think the simple answer is that when we first understand that we are two imperfect people that came together in marriage, we bring a lot of baggage with us! This leads me to what is the purpose of marriage? We think that it is about us, “LOVE”. What if it was more? I love what Piper says here:
Our earthly marriages exist to be glimpses, mirrors even, of the beautiful relationship between Jesus and his bride (Ephesians 5:31–32). In other words, how we act in marriage must mirror how Christ has acted towards us (John 15:13; Philippians 2:5–8). When we sacrifice for our spouses, our marriages produce sweet gospel aromas to the world, as well as sweet reminders to our own hearts. The aim for marriage is not for our spouse to satisfy our every longing. That’s Christ’s job. Knowing he has met all our needs and fulfills us completely, we can freely give ourselves away. John Piper explains this beautiful truth in This Momentary Marriage. He writes, “Marriage is meant by God to put that gospel reality on display in the world. That is why we are married. That is why all married people are married.”
It’s not about me!
So marriage is not about ourselves, it is about honoring each other, submitting to each other, and all about Christ in our marriages. If Christ is the center of your marriage it will be a sweet song. If you are the center of your marriage, rocky seas will roar.
Now, let me say that I am not a perfect husband, father or man. But I know that if Christ is the center of my life and I am reading, praying, in-fellowship and worshiping God then my marriage is that much sweeter. When I am not doing these things constantly rocky seas roar in my life.
“Constant gratification will never bring lasting joy, and it will rob us of true happiness in our marriages. Instead, as we sacrifice ourselves for our spouse, we let the true light of marriage shine. We want our marriages to be less about us and more about Christ. Radical sacrifice was the centerpiece that brought great sinners a glorious redemption, and it is the centerpiece that will bring marriages the greatest joy, the deepest pleasure, and the truest purpose.”
Home Stretch, Ya!
We are in the home stretch of Amy’s radiation treatments, this week and next week and then we are waiting for the news. That will be the longest 30 days ever!!! I don’t know if she will have to go through chemo yet, but we will know in 4 -5 weeks from now.
I have great sympathy and compassion for people that are walking through cancer. It is a very hard road to travel on. I pray that no one has to walk it without knowing God. He gives us such hope even in the face of death. Without Him I don’t know how people can be hopeful without knowing a great joy and promise that Christ Jesus promises.
We are so very thankful for our family. Not just our mom’s and dad’s, but our brothers and sisters in Christ at our church. There is something so very beautifully sweet about being knit together as a family. A real genuine family that will walk with you, sacrifice for you, pray for you, support you through it all. The is the perfect astounding “body of Christ” that is incomprehensible unless you are in the body. It goes way beyond a club you join or sports team. It is intimate, personal, loving, caring, family that love you the way that Christ loves us. I praise God for His perfect design of the church and everyone living it out.
Thank you everyone for your support, cards, letters, meals, messages and notes. We love you all and so are very blessed to have so many helping us through this. We are hopefully in the home stretch and will have good news in the next 5 weeks.
Praise God for we are fearfully and wonderfully made by a loving sovereign God that just wants us to love him back! Goodnight