It has been a while since I last posted. Honestly I have not felt like writing about what is going on in our family. There is nothing easy about cancer, but especially brain cancer. There is so much to say, but I don’t know where to start anymore. So here is what I have for tonight.
Five weeks ago Amy started her first treatment with the chemo pill. The first day was the worst, the next 4 days were much better. Watching her walk through this you feel so very helpless. You feel helpless because the drugs that are supposed to help your loved one is the very same drug that causes extreme fatigue, nausea worst than you every have felt. Then comes the itching and other side affects. Chemo is kills cancer but also kills healthy cells too, so it is killing the cancer and killing the person too. I have a love hate with that concept, but there isn’t enough evidence out there to prove for a better method yet to help everyone fight cancer.
CHEMO WEEK 1
Amy made it through the first round of chemo and rebounded after for three weeks. She had more energy each day and was able to get out of the house for a few trips to the store.
That is another aspect of this that is difficult. When you have any major illness that literally wipes you out, you are bound to a chair, bed and house because you just don’t have the energy to do anything else. That takes it toll not just physically, but mentally and spiritually.
CHEMO WEEK 2
Now we are up to this week. This week is the second round of chemo treatment. It is much worse than the first round, this is the round that they up the dosage and you have the same symptoms before, but worse. It’s not a constant for the symptoms, but when they are bad, they are really bad.
Tonight is the last night for chemo this week, then she has the next three weeks to rest, feel better and regain her energy.
The only verse that I have really been focusing on this past is
Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light”.
I have thought this verse a lot and in the past few weeks. Have you ever felt a deep soul weariness? This is not your everyday tired. I know a lot of stay at home moms and I would say that they know what a deep soul weariness is and have experienced it often. I’m not saying that no one else has not experienced this, you most likely have at some point in your life.
I am using stay at home moms as an example because that is one of the hardest jobs any mother can do in her lifetime and because my wife is a stay at home mother. You know that every day you have to take care of these little people that depend on everything from you. This through healthy and sick times, you really don’t have a time clock that you get to punch out of, you are always a parent every second of the day. They look to you every moment of every day for guidance through life. It is a constant through all the weariness of multilayered intersections of life’s complexities, bodily frailties, emotional heartbreaks and outbursts and the consequences of sin in yours and their lives.
WELCOME TO THE WEARY CLUB
What is Jesus really saying in this passage? The weariness of life can seem overwhelming at moments, but Jesus is saying simplistically to come to him. We are called to believe in him and what he is able to do. It is more than that though. Do we believe in him? Do we trust in him? This leads me back to
Proverbs 3:5-6, Trust in the Lord with all your
And He will make your paths straight.
The question I ask myself is, “Do I really trust in Jesus for everything, even in this path of dealing with cancer?” The easy answer is YES, but the complex answer is, “How do I live that out practically showing I trust in him?” There is no simple answer here. We have to do it as best as we can with the hope that if we come to Jesus in prayer and in reading His Word, that he will give us rest.
Practically, just sitting and reading God’s Word daily even when you don’t really want to is refreshing to the soul. Praying when you really don’t want to is refreshing. Both of these acts are faithful and shows trust in the times that we are strong in the Lord and times that we are super weak in our walk with the Lord.
AT THE END OF THE DAY
At the end of the day, there is one solid truth that is so very comforting to us.
Psalm 62:5-7 says, “For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God”.
Simply put God is my refuge!
He should be yours too! God, Christ Jesus is the only one that makes sense of this crazy world. He is my rest, my rock. If you want rest from the weariness, run to him, call on him, trust in him and he will give you rest.
FOUR MORE TREATMENTS TO GO
After this week, Amy has four more treatments to go and then she is done with chemo. After that we don’t know what is in store for her, but we are trying to stay focused on today, this week and maybe even next month. Much beyond that is in Gods hands.
Even though we are super weary, we hope the best for you as you have read this. If you are going through something in your life that is beyond your control and has you very weary and down. Please take a moment find a friend that is a christian, find a bible, open it and read and call out to Jesus. Trust me my friend(s), I wasn’t always a christian in my life. Jesus can do anything, all we have to do is start!