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Feb 17, 2019: What Are You Walking Through?

What are you walking through?
I write this because we just don’t know what people are walking through in life when we interact with them. It may seem like someone is unkind, impatient or a host of other things on the surface, but we just don’t know what they are walking through.

The other day, there was a mother of five in tears with a car that was having trouble. So many walked by and ignored what was going on. But a simple, “Are you okay? opens up the conversation to what is going” I was struck by her comment, “I am about to cry, you don’t know the pressure I’m under right now.” But in that moment, I did understand. My first thought was to ask how can I help and then pray for her as we stood in the parking lot with people busily about us. Come to find out her wipers were broken and car was not working properly. Just a simple moment in time to help a complete stranger walking through a hard time in life. I only got her name, but I can relate.

This journey is very much about my wife and her cancer journey but is also amount us as a family.

My thoughts are all over the place with this journey. My trust is always in God and His unchangeable truth, the Word. Now comes the practical living it out on a daily basis in a sin-cursed world that is consumed with hardship, pain and suffering. This is the world we live in.

I have to be honest, I struggle with putting this out there, but it has been good therapy to share our journey and help me think through everything that is going on. So, take it or leave it. This is our journey, our thoughts, views, opinions, beliefs and so on. I go back to the beginning thought that I expressed earlier.


Why is this so important, because GRACE has to be a big factor in living our lives. We live under God’s grace every day whether we want to acknowledge or not.

This week simply sucked. I found that everything that is going on kids in new school, driving every day to the hospital, our middle child in the ER and now our oldest sick with the same stomach bug, stove breaking, car registrations, bills, bills has finally caught up to me. I am more tired that I have ever felt in any time of my life. I am tired every moment of the day. Physically tired, emotionally tired and drained.

My hope though is in Christ. Even in the midst of the storm of our lives, God is there. I am banking on that Amazing grace right now because there are moments that being stressed has shown through. It’s only moments.

I am very thankful for all that we have in our lives though. These are just RAW unedited thoughts. You can’t even begin to imagine what you would do or what someone else is experiencing until you walk through a major illness or catastrophic event in your life that rocks everything and turns your world upside down.

I am thankful for the type of job that I have. I still can earn a living and work when I can at any time of the day. Working has been a real challenge, but I am slowly figuring it out.

I am thankful for my children. They are so wonderful, beautiful, forgiving, loving and a joy to be around. Our lives are more complete with them. They are blessings from God. It is sad that people today can’t see that child are truly a gift. I wouldn’t trade a single moment of hugs, laughter or even struggles (well maybe struggles) with my kids for all the wealth of the world. There really is nothing more precious than receiving a hug from your child and being called daddy. That is a beautiful model of how we should be with God as our daddy.

I am thankful even in the midst of this for my wife. Honestly, I think it sucks that she has brain cancer, but it is in God’s sovereign control. She has blessed me in so many ways, I could probably write dozens of pages on how. Mostly she has blessed me by marrying me 15 years ago and helping me be a better man. Not a man of the world, but a man of God. When I am weak, she is strong even in the midst of battling cancer. She is a truly strong amazing woman, that I so desperately want to be healed from cancer. CANCER SUCKS! There is nothing good about this disease. She loves the Lord so much!!!! She is constantly in every moment praising God for all that he has given her.

It’s is at our weakest moments that God gives us His strength to carry on and stand strong in the face of true adversity.

I am not talking about the petty stupid stuff of life. Like me being mad because the stove part that just bought two days ago to fix my wood stove just broke. These are foolish moments in contrast to the bigger picture.

Last night I shared the great video on how God is indescribable.

If you haven’t watched this before, WATCH IT! God is in science, history and all of creation.

This week

This week is a new week. We are driving every day to the hospital. This will be a full week of radiation treatments. It is a little bit of a juggling act coordinating getting the kids off to school, going to the hospital and then being home in time to get the kids from school. But thankfully, we have some amazing friends that have been helping us with that. Without them, this would be impossible. There would be no way that we would even be able to do half of this without our friends and family surrounding us and helping us walk through this.

I was looking back at all of the money spent on everything is staggering. There are so many things that have popped up that we have had to pay for so far that without the money from Gofundme it would have been impossible. So, THANK YOU TO EVERYONE! We live in a world run by money to live and every dollar has been a HUGE blessing in more ways than you can imagine.

I know my thoughts are all over the place tonight. Just felt like I had to get this out today. So, this week is over and onto a new week. Today was a good day to just reflect and try and put my mind back on things about the Lord. We didn’t get to church today, our oldest is sick and I am praying that my wife or I don’t get this stomach bug that is going around.

Please pray for:

– Amy and I to stay healthy
– Patience and grace during the business
– The strength to care for my wife
– That the treatments will kill the cancer and put Amy into remission!
– The ability to work and keep earning an income and for the business not to fall apart.
– That our kids will stay healthy and strong

Thank you all for your understanding, love, prayers and most of all, I praise God that we are His and we are in His hands!

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I am the husband of my wife Amy for the 15+ years. Thankful to be a father to several wonderful children and humbly trying to live my life to glorify Christ as my Lord and Savior.
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